It’s graduation day. The auditorium is packed, everyone’s in their seats. And then the music starts. It’s the standard graduation theme, but I keep waiting for the electronic beat to kick in. That’s what happens when I listen to too much Vitamin C. And I have been, almost nonstop. I can feel the tears starting to come, but I don’t fight it off. I’m sick of doing that. Let them come. I sneak a glance around, and I recognize everyone. That surprises me, more than anything. I never realized just how close I’d gotten to these people. That kid from my Algebra class sophomore year, who’d always ask to copy the answers, that girl who by some twist of fate has been in my Spanish class every single time, and even that guy I got into a fight with on the first day of 9^th grade. I’m going to miss them all. I guess I just never realized how much of an imprint one touch could leave on our lives.

Of course the usual suspects are there too. She’s standing right next to me, and the gown makes her look beautiful. Breathtaking, really. And he’s on the other side of her, holding her hand. I watch him brush his thumb across her knuckles and clench her hand tighter. She returns the gesture. I look away, down the row towards the other side of me. I’m going to miss them all, no doubt about it. He used to talk about angry German metal to me, and try to get me to listen to it, and I tried to explain the mechanics of skanking to him. That girl, she used to tell me all the sordid details of her sex life with her boyfriend during psychology class, and he used to tell me the same stuff one hour later in economics. That blonde girl’s cried on my shoulder, and so has that guy on the end. And I’ve watched anime and discussed comic books with most of the geeks standing together over there. In t-minus seven hours and counting, I’m going to have to say goodbye to all of them for what very well could be the last time.

The tears on my graduation gown are a baptism. This part of my life’s going to be over in a very short while, and a whole new one is going to start. The real world’s going to come crashing down on me like a tsunami on a third-world country, and I’m going to be caught in the undertow. These people and this school have been the anchors I’ve been clinging to, and now all that’s left is for me to let go. But that doesn’t mean I forget. Never forget.

So now we’re at a beach, even though there’s really no beach near our school. But everyone’s here and I can taste the nostalgia, and brush it with my fingertips. It’s the sweetest nectar I’ve ever tasted, and I know it’s a sensation I’ll remember for the rest of my life. No one’s saying good bye, I notice, and I’m grateful for that. I make idle conversation with a few, and I have deep meaningful conversations with the rest, until I can’t take it anymore. I drift away, towards the bonfire someone started. Its huge now and the sparks make new, temporary constellations against the night sky. The heat washes over me, and I bask in it. When I look into the center of it, I feel a sensation I’ve never felt before, and I realize very quickly what it is. I’m living. This is me, living my life. That’s my heart beating, and I’ve never noticed it before. Someone tosses more fuel into it, and the flames touch the sky. My soul goes along for the ride.

I see them sitting over there, off to the side. She’s in his lap, and they’re whispering quietly to each other. He grins wickedly and says something into her ear. She laughs and smiles that genuine smile I’ve seen maybe a handful of times. He pulls her closer and she shivers, nuzzling into his neck, and he smiles that genuine smile I’ve seen a million times, but only when he’s with her. I get up and walk slowly over there, counting my steps and watching the sand enclose my bare toes with every one, and all too soon I’m there. They both look up, and grin slightly. I smile back, and sit down next to them. She leans over and hugs me, and he watches. I look into his eyes, and there’s no spark of jealousy. No quick flash of anger. No glare of “that’s mine.” He notices me looking at him, and then there’s something there. Friendship. Understanding. Kinship. Suddenly, we’re best friends again.

I wrap my arms around my legs and pull my knees up to my chest. My vision blurs as I watch them all mill about. Against the backlight of the bonfire, my friends have become silhouettes, drifting in and out of focus through the tears that are gathering in my eyes. They’re slowly losing form and definition. They’re slowly fading from my life. Then I understand that if they look like silhouettes when they’re moving, what do I look like sitting here with my head in my hands? So I get up, and I join in. We’re a group of dumb high school students who won’t be able to call themselves that anymore in a half an hour, but for now we’ve done the impossible. We’ve stopped time. No matter what else happens, we can at least say that we stopped the world for an hour. But for now, the future’s holding out both hands, ready to pull us to the next part of our lives, and no one’s going to the same place.

What we’ve come to is a crossroads. We’re looking at the gray. We stand on the edge of a cliff, and it’s the tallest one we’re ever going to have to peer over. We can’t see the bottom, and when we scream into it, all we hear is an echo. We can’t step back; we can’t run away, we can’t even stop. All we can do is take that last deep breath and jump. But if it’s all the same to you, I’m going to keep screaming.